We Are Our Stories…

I am one of the first Boomers—born in 1947. I will be 80 years old on my next birthday.

Until lately, I haven’t given much thought to my mortality. Well, perhaps once or twice, but those thoughts were always fleeting. There were always at least 30 or 40 years between me and it.

So the other day, I started telling myself that same old story, and suddenly realized that my 40-year story had become my 10-year story—if I’m lucky.

Now, this is not a sad story.

In fact, upon reflection, I’ve lived an exceptional life. My family hasn’t heard most of my stories—at least my grandkids haven’t. I started writing them down once, but there was no rhyme or reason to them. Just random stories scattered throughout my computer files.

Good luck finding them, family!

Have you ever wondered what you’re leaving behind for your family to find?

I never thought much about it until recently. My thoughts scribbled on scraps of paper. An old high school yearbook filled with notes from classmates who called me Poochie. And, of course, the unmentionables in my unmentionable drawer.

I’ve even started giving away things that are meaningful to me—jewelry, keepsakes, anything with a story behind it. I rationalize that if my family knows the story behind something, they’ll remember me.

Deep, huh?

The thing that really started these head games happened a few months ago. I realized that my 56-year-old daughter was beginning to figure things out about 25 years earlier than I did.

And upon reflection, I think that’s probably the way it’s supposed to happen.

Who Were We Always Meant to Be?

What does it take to finally figure out who you were always meant to be?

You see, at first, we don’t even realize we have an authentic self because we’re too busy trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations. It’s all about what other people think we’re supposed to be.

Then we spend our lives trying to separate their expectations from our own. And it doesn’t always work out the way we hope.

By the time we’re 80 or so, who we were truly meant to be—or wanted to be—can get lost in a jumble of bad decisions, broken trust, and misunderstandings.

We memorialize every mistake. We obsess over unimportant things.

I never realized how much mind junk we accumulate over a lifetime.

Insecurities, prejudices, trust issues, feeling judged, body image issues, fear of failure…and I could go on and on.

But I wonder if this is what it’s supposed to be about.

My solution was to let a therapist try to straighten it all out for me. Quite honestly, I don’t know how it’s going because all I seem to do is tell my stories, and I’m not sure how productive that is.

So here I am, almost 80, trying to figure out why my relationship with my grandkids isn’t what I had hoped for, why my marriages ended in disaster, and how I can navigate this last chapter by myself.

When Life No Longer Needs You in the Same Way

One day, you wake up and realize that you did such a good job parenting and grandparenting that the very people you poured everything into don’t seem to need you anymore.

Even careers fall into that category.

I accomplished a great deal during my career in the nonprofit world. I raised money for medical treatments that created lifelines where there hadn’t been any. I helped fund and build homes for people in my community. I gave children opportunities to live their dreams.

I can look back fondly on all of it and know I did a great job.

But that’s just it.

I’m looking back.

I’ve always believed in being positive and that putting good vibes into the universe will bring something positive back to me.

But that becomes harder and harder as I get older.

For example, I never used to be lonely.

Alone? Yes. I could handle being alone. I actually enjoyed it.

But loneliness? I didn’t really experience that until after retirement.

And I must say, loneliness is tough to turn around.

You feel left out. Life keeps moving along without you, and you begin to wonder what you’re doing here.

So Here We Are…

I decided to start a blog as a place to talk about how I’m feeling about living this last chapter of my life.

And then it dawned on me.

I’d like to know about your journey, too.

Sometimes we need a little perspective—and the companionship that comes with it.

I encourage you to share your stories if you’re so inclined. We also have a Facebook group, The Aging Chronicles, if that’s more to your liking.

But the point is this:

Let’s support each other. Let’s be grateful. Let’s be kind.

Maybe by sharing our stories, our experiences, our mistakes, and our little victories, we’ll discover something important.

Just how relevant we still are.